Almost everyday I have dreams for me, but I don’t often write about me because a woman once told me my newsletter should be inspirational and not a journal about me. I let that criticism in until I realized that as a collective consciousness healer, what I’m going through affects everyone, so I will indeed share this dream I had for me in hopes it will help you.
You may not know that I ended my marriage a month ago. My dreams led me there as well. I had seen a piece of selenite between my husband and I in the bedroom and avoided dealing with the meaning of that dream for quite some time. If you are subscribed to my soulmate shaman newsletter you can read all about that. Please let me know if you’d like me to send it to you. About two weeks after moving into my new home, I had this feeling in my heart of heavy sadness. The dream I had for that was that my best friend came and gave me the most amazing hug. Then right after that dream I had another dream that my first love came to give me a hug. I woke up feeling so loved and yet that heavy feeling was still in my heart. Later that day I’d reached out to my first love, as we’ve continued to be friends and kept in communication over the years. He lives in another state. When we were conversing, I told him I was having a hard day and questions popped up in my awareness about my husband like, “Why couldn’t he be nice to me? Why couldn’t I be enough for him to accept me as I am? I’m a good person giving my all to this man. What’s wrong with me that he couldn’t treat me with love and respect?” The answers came immediately that there’s nothing wrong with me. I was simply with the wrong man and there was a time it was good and now we’re moving in different directions. He wasn’t meant to be what I needed because I’ve got to move on with my life without him. I’d not been feeling well the entire time we were married. I began crying at this realization and then mentioned to my first love that I had the dream that he came to my city and gave me the biggest hug. He replied that quite honestly he’d been thinking of coming to visit me, but wanted to give me some time. NO WONDER I HAD THAT DREAM! Sometimes you can dream another’s intention. I burst into tears.
What you may not know is that my first love moved away at age eleven and I felt like my whole life was ripped out from under me. I’ve always compared everyone to this person. We’d even written letters for years after his family moved. I had these beliefs that life isn’t fair and that if I love someone deeply, they will leave. I had to heal these beliefs and have over the years. If you need to heal from past love pain, intend it be so and it will happen.
So the crying was for all the pain I’d never allowed myself to acknowledge and feel when he left and from all of the pain of never having a chance to see this relationship through. I had to forgive god and the universe for ripping him away from me. I told him all of that and how foolish I felt as we were just kids and I’m a grown ass woman. He completely understood all of it. He’d even tried to find me after he was divorced as I had cut off all communication in our twenties, due to the pain being to strong when he married.
I also dreamed there was a lizard on the wall of my bedroom. This is what Dr. Steven Farmer says in his Pocket Guide to Spirit Animals Lizard: “Pay close attention to your dreams-especially recurring themes and images. The situation calls for quiet and stillness until it’s time to make your move, but when you do, you need to do so quickly and efficiently. This is an especially sensitive time right now, one where you’re acutely aware of sights, sounds and vibrations, so be extra careful about who and what you surround yourself with. Meditate and call upon a deep and ancient part of you, asking to be shown a vision of your life path. Listen to your own intuition over anyone else’s.” I’d been meditating and praying for my hopeful self to come back. What happened over the next week was that this man asked if he could come out to see me. I’ve only ever wanted that for over 25 years now. He did come visit and boy oh boy, my heart is happy J The lizard’s message to act quickly helped me immensely. It wasn’t until I was able to acknowledge the truth and release that old stagnant pain, that I could be available for more love in my life. You may have questions at this point. So do I. Feel free to ask me anything as I’m an open book.