What if feeling abandoned is something in us that is ready to heal?
So many people have expressed this feeling to me lately. A friend felt like her boyfriend abandoned her when he didn’t invite her to a trip with his family. Another friend felt abandoned when his friends stopped contacting him everyday. A client felt like her children abandoned her. A loved one felt abandoned when his girlfriend defended her family when he was talking badly about them.
I had a dream for a client where a woman was at a party by herself and wanted to sit by an old friend of hers. This old friend had already chosen to sit with other friends. Disappointed, she went to a table where family was sitting. As soon as she sat down, everyone at the table got up and left. She was horrified. A feeling of deep abandonment and not belonging here pained her to the core.
When I told the dream to my client, she immediately went into how she’d felt that way at a picnic she’d attended that weekend, but also feeling like everyone’s abandoned her. She said, “In my marriage and now it’s like none of my feelings ever matter. I’m finding myself always alone. What am I doing that’s pushing everyone away?” It seemed like she used to have people in her life where she was the supporter and she was rarely supported. Now that she’s moving forward with her healing, she is able to see clearly now. It’s as if the more she healed her inner world, the less she could tolerate relationships that weren’t mutual. There had been betrayal of family, friends and her partner. Even co-workers had turned their backs on her. If nobody can do to us what we haven’t already done to ourselves, I wondered where she had abandoned herself or discarded her feelings.
After clearing her energy and giving her the messages that came through for her, she felt so much better. Since we last spoke, a new man has also entered her life.
I recently came across a message written by Tosha Silver in her deck of cards called the Wild Offering. It came to mind upon hearing her words. It said, “When you fully bless and embrace your aloneness, you’re ready for the ones who are meant to be with you. May I welcome this solitude knowing it will open the way for all healthy relationships.”
I too have been healing a sense of abandonment that I found out is a deep ancestral wound in my ancestral lineage. There was also a constant constriction in my body that had me in a sort of panic state.
The situations arose in a wavelike series for about two months. While none of the people in my life were intentionally trying to hurt me, I became hurt when I found out that long time friends were together and hadn’t invited me, my partner wanted to go out with work friends without me, my work crickets and when my cat would be gone for a whole day. I felt like chopped liver. I asked my spirit team what was going on?
I was talking with a wise woman about what I was feeling and she advised me not to rely on people or things for my sense of connection. She said you will always be disappointed if you do because they are not always available. She reminded me that I don’t need anyone or anything to have my sense of merging with the eternal. We can achieve this sense of connecting we are longing for through being in nature, engaging in something creative, and through meditation. For me, it’s all of those things along with music and dancing.
I actually abandon a part of me when I don’t do those things. I started to make space in my days for a couple of these before work and during my breaks. Making time for these things has had a profound impact on my outlook in such a short amount of time.
The answers I received around my friends were that there is a time and place for me to be with them and for them to be with each other. I don’t need to be at every single gathering they have. I’ve got to start meeting my people who live here and build those friendships. I’ve got friends around the world and love them no matter how much time we spend apart. The other message that hit me like a ton of bricks was that I’ve been intentionally healing physically, emotionally and on a soul level with some pretty trying times. This left no time for much else.
Other people in my life had expressed to me that they felt abandoned by me, but the truth is, I only had the energy at the time to focus on recovering my health. I could barely tolerate social time, even on the phone, and now I can. Now that I have more energy, I want to be more social and felt abandoned when nobody was available. What if all relationships have to change over time? My friend and I were talking how when you meet someone and have a good connection, you think it will last forever and never change EVER! This is the part of being human that wants certainty. We had a good laugh about us being human.
I’ve been co-creating my life since I learned about manifesting in 2006. I have the beautiful life I’ve always wanted. It took ALL of my energy and reserves of perseverance to make it to where I am now. There are still challenges, but it’s here. I’ve been given this time to regroup, reflect, and decide what I want to do with the next chapter in my life. Because I’ve learned what works for me and doesn’t, I am in the process of restructuring how I do things. I no longer push myself to the breaking point. I no longer over give. I no longer stay quiet when something is wrong. I no longer work before taking care of my health needs. I no longer write when I don’t have something coming through that is pushing to get out of me and so on.
The answers I received around my partner were loud and clear, “HE’S GETTING HIS MANHOOD BACK.” I also got the message again that I need to meet my people. It’s time. I recently met a group of women in my new state that were open hearted, vulnerable and on a similar path of how I live my life. My time with them nurtured my soul from the inside out that I can see myself having my own social life apart from my partner. While my partner gets to blow off steam with his people, I need deep discussion and fun with like minded women.
The answer with my kitty was that he needs his independence from mommy and daddy lol. He needs me in cycles, just like my friends and lover. My friends from afar invited me recently for a get together, my love asked me last night if I want to see a movie tomorrow night, and a client I hadn’t heard from in a long time reached out to me for a distance Reiki session. I need what I need in cycles too. Kitty is sitting on my lap as I write this.
He didn’t abandon me. =)