It seems that endings of relationships are everywhere I turn right now, including my own. This client was having trouble getting in touch with her emotions and expressed a feeling of numbness. I had a dream where a woman was standing on a dock and her boyfriend was underwater bringing her very large old suitcase up to the surface. With all of his strength and might he worked so hard to bring that heavy baggage up to the surface for her. He put it on the dock panting with exhaustion.
When I awoke, I wondered why he was doing that? When I listened carefully in silence, I saw that my client and her ex were brought together for a particular healing for both of them. He, in this lifetime is an earth angel. She commissioned him ahead of time, meaning before they arrived on earth. His role was to behave in a way in the relationship with her of being unavailable on many levels. He was to represent the patriarchy, where women have been treated as less than, which is now seeming to crumble in the Western World. He was also to teach her how to trust her instincts and learn to be the receiver in her life instead of trying to make her life happen.
When I told her this, she remembered being the one in the beginning to initiate contact on almost every occasion. During the relationship there were large chunks of time where she felt he was MIA. Her stomach felt queasy each time. When she would inquire about where he was he would tell her something, but in her whole being she felt that was not true and couldn’t trust his words. She also had dreams of him cheating on her. When she mentioned her fears to him, he said she needs to trust him or this won’t work. He would then pull away from her which had her thinking she’d done something wrong and must try harder by being the perfect mate. But how could she with her instincts on red flag mode?
When they were together, she felt he loved her and that he had nurturing qualities like cooking for her and checking in on her, but he would also snap at her for things that didn’t seem called for, which had her walking on eggshells early on. She had an anger inside of her start to rise up. Even though she felt hurt by this man, she tried with all her might to keep on in the relationship where she felt abandoned over and over. She was being called to listen to her gut about something not being right, but didn’t feel it was reason enough to leave.
The old luggage in a dream can represent the old baggage we’re carrying around. Deep water can mean what’s under the surface and emotional healing. We did healing for her heart and cleared the old crud in her energy field that would help her be able to trust herself again and have the vibrational field that will help her move forward with confidence.
When her love ended the relationship she was devastated. She couldn’t believe after all she’d done, all she’d given of herself and her efforts, he was dumping her. She cried and cried and then the panic crept in about where she was going to live and how she was going to support herself. Shortly after she found out that he’d been seeing a woman from work for the last seven months. This brought up so much anger, but mostly at herself for not trusting those cheating dreams and for trying so hard with a man who clearly wasn’t able to have a real relationship. When problems arose, instead of doing the right thing and ending the relationship, he ran into the arms of the next shiny new thing. All of this was teaching her that she indeed has strong intuition and is learning how to love herself through the most horrific of circumstances.
The day after the break up, she shared with me that she felt relieved that she doesn’t have to try so hard anymore with an unavailable man. She realized that she attracted him in the first place by not being fully available to herself and she too had been looking for the next shiny thing out there. They had bought a house together and he had to buy her out in order to have her move out.
Now he had to do the heavy duty lifting to get her to leave. Not only had he brought up to the surface the emotional healing and lessons, but he was now showing her how to receive. She was not about to accept anything less than what was right even after he tried low balling her. She is now practicing loving herself through the waves of emotions that arise and all of the changes she is moving into. That numbness she had been feeling was a sign that she needed to clear in her energy what she couldn’t access until doing the healing and reflecting necessary to move forward. She even expressed compassion for her ex in his ways of trying to be happy and has tremendous gratitude for him for helping her rise to be the person she’s growing into.