Help for Being Quick to React
I had mentioned in previous blogs that many spouses have been showing up needing help with their partner. 2020 and now 2021 has brought a slew of new dynamics to deal with in romantic relationships. Tempers be a flying!
Have you ever been talking with someone, maybe a lover, a friend or family member and became immediately triggered? I’m raising my hand for all of these people. It’s usually that one person who does that one thing that gets under your skin. Arg! You wonder when it will ever get better and have had thoughts of extricating this person from your life, but you love them.
Why does this happen? Often when we are easily triggered, there can be a wound that needs to be dealt with and this person, whether knowing it or not, has been chosen to help us heal it. There are lessons to be learned, whether we want to grow or not. If we can face exactly what is showing up for us to deal with, we can become more empowered than taken out in our lives.
If we choose to blame the other person and decide that they are why we are suffering, we remain a victim and give that person our power. What if there’s a way to be able to heal and not overreact with these button pushers? Or what if there is at least a way to not lash out in the heat of the moment and say something we can’t take back. Over my life, I’ve had my fair share of outburst and blow outs. These tips are how I’ve been able to change my own behavior and in turn have more loving relationships.
I want to share a couple of tips that have been helping me and my clients when triggered.
- When you feel that tension arising in your body, count to ten and realize you are heading into the danger zone for your body, well being, and for your relationship. Make some sort of statement that you are feeling a lot of tension right now and that you need to step away now. If the person insists that you stay, you can broken-record it by saying you can’t and you’ll be back when you can get centered. #boundaries
- Calm your nerves. As much as we want to, we can’t have a rational conversation when we’re in an emotionally reactive state. The part of our brain that has ration is not accessible to us and we can do some serious damage if we try to hash it out when emotions are flaring. Go to a place where you can have no interruptions, even if it’s the bathroom. Take some deep breaths and be with yourself and allow your emotions to flow. This also helps with clients who are dealing with adrenal fatigue and can’t handle having a body system shut down.
- Reflect on what happened by asking yourself why you’re upset. Once you’re ready, you can return to the person and tell them your insights or ask for something you may need moving forward.
Doing this, not only saves you needless nervous system trauma, it also saves your relationships.
It’s never easy changing our behavior and we certainly can’t change another person’s behavior. We can, however, help our body, mind and our relationships by being the person to break the destructive pattern that causes a wedge with the people we love.