Have you ever felt like you just can’t get romantic relationships right? You find yourself in situations where you pick a partner that seems like the perfect partner on paper, but once you get into the relationship, you discover they aren’t as present or authentic as you thought. You may have learned that for them, a relationship is more of a concept than relating in a conscious, equal way. It was beyond their ability. You don’t want to end it because you went too fast and thought you knew what you needed to know about the person. It’s so painful when this happens. I talk about taking as long as you can to get to know someone, in my book. It’s not easy though.

One thing to know is that at least you went for it. So many people won’t even take the risk to have love due to a fear of being hurt.

I heard a song upon waking this morning. It was from the movie, A Star is Born, called Maybe it’s time, sung by Bradley Cooper. The line, “Maybe it’s time to let old ways die,” is what kept playing on loop in my head. We have so many retrogrades this year and and quite a few this week, that it’s time for us to reflect, review and recommit to ourselves.

I’ve been having many memories come up and my clients and I have had dreams with exes in them.

I’ve currently been reviewing the way I’ve done romantic relationships. A woman had asked me a question before I left for Michigan that haunted me throughout my last relationship. She asked, “What are you going to do when you realize he’s not spiritual?” I remember being angry that she asked me that. The truth is triggering. Although I thought I didn’t need that in a partner, I secretly had hope that he was open to developing his spiritual side at some point. I have a vision of building and growing something meaningful with him.

The other thing I’ve been investigating is putting attention on how I felt in the presence of this person, however I was only taking into account the emotions I was feeling.

Recently learning about the nervous system of sensitive people, I started to notice a different kind of energy that ran while with each of my past loves. I started remembering the feeling in my body with each one. I noticed always feeling nervous, uneasy, unsettled.

Have you ever been quick to make the other person wrong when they weren’t the person you thought they were or they didn’t do what you think they should do? When I tried everything in that relationship to be happy or work it out and nothing worked, instead of leaving, I tried to make a square peg fit into a round hole. I also tried to make myself fit where I knew I didn’t. I did this by trying to control the things in the person I didn’t like.

Have you ever felt a need to escape when with a person? If yes, why? My answer was yes with so many exes. Why? Because our energies didn’t go well together and my body was telling me to get away, even when my emotions were saying, “Be with this person.”

Have you ever felt at a loss in a relationship and moved into control mode or perfectionism, wanting the person and trying to be perfect, thinking that this feeling would get better if only we were better? With nobody ever being able to measure up to that on the planet, it is not a good thing to continue. Nobody’s perfect. It’s exhausting to try to be. These are all codependent behaviors that don’t work. It’s a perfectly normal response though, when in a state of panic, not wanting the relationship to end.

Then there’s pleasing mode. You try to please them for fear they would leave, or become upset with with you, even though you may not be happy in the relationship with them.

I’ve had all of these behaviors. For a while I thought I was crazy with the contradiction in my behavior. I realized it was actually a normal response to having a sensitive energy. For many energetically sensitive people, we have to go through this learning phase. Coming to the realization that I actually do need a conscious partner has been huge for me. Someone who understands energy and is connected to spirit has been lacking in my past relationships. I understand that not all sensitive people need a conscious partner, but for those of us who do, we really need to pay attention to the energy of how we feel with someone before getting into a relationship. We need to say no to who we know is not a match. We need to stay committed to how we want to feel.

In the future it is to pay attention to how your nervous system feels when with someone. In that last relationship I noticed picking my nails whenever in his presence. I don’t normally pick my nails unless super nervous. That is good information as to how the nervous system responds to this person.

Another big lesson is to actually take the time to feel how you feel with the person in many different occasions before becoming intimate with them. To be upfront with the person about this. To take your sweet time investigating this in you. So often we’re wondering if they like us or commit to us. All of these things are so so important. I feel it’s one of the biggest blessings of moving to Michigan and being in that last household. I very quickly had to come to terms with this reality that we weren’t compatible in our lifestyles and our energies. I’ve decided to let the old ways die, from the song lyric. Meaning, let the old behaviors that don’t work die and be completely present in moving forward paying attention to these things.