I had a dream for a client where everyone was about to run a race. They were joyously putting their shoes on and chatting away. My client didn’t want to run this race at all. She said it sounded like torture. She had to go to the bathroom anyway and took so long that she missed the race. When everyone came back they were looking at her disapprovingly. She felt immense shame.
When I spoke with my client she said she could relate. She said it’s grueling to have to start all over again after having to end a relationship that was toxic for her. She felt a range of emotions from being shocked that her now ex boyfriend started using drugs. She felt cursed. She wondered what she did to cause him to start using. I’ve noticed a lot of people turning to drugs, alcohol, shopping and comfort eating lately as the circumstances of the world become more and more intense. The energy on the planet is pretty wild in the ethers and we humans feel it intensely.
What I explained to her is that when someone is using drugs, they can be in pain. The drug of choice can be gambling, alcohol, marijuana, fantasy football or video games. The person can be coping with something that has nothing to do with her or she could be part of his growth. He has the choice whether to numb or heal.
We will attract someone who has addictions to drugs if we have pain inside of us that needs to be dealt with. If we have a pattern of attracting unavailable partners, it is important to deal with what is causing this. There are ways to remove pain from deep down inside of us that we push down when it’s too much.
In the dream, the people running the race were in the love race. They were all happy and she wasn’t. It can feel like torture when we have to start all over again. We thought that person was our one forever. What if he was the one to get her to her next level of growth and therefore bringing her to her forever partner. I want to add here, though, that nothing lasts forever, except our soul. We will all leave our bodies at some point. We learn from these relationships. When we heal what needs to be addressed, we free our heart up to get back in the race, only it isn’t a race at all. We are on a path of learning and growing, which isn’t for the faint of heart. We pick ourselves up again or we give up. It’s up to us. Her perception was that everyone was happy in going for love and she wasn’t. Being in the game called finding a partner isn’t all fun and games. It can be fun and it can be difficult and even painful. We are vulnerable putting our heart out there once again. It takes courage. Great love takes being vulnerable again and again. Being vulnerable puts us at risk for being hurt again.
What if you could heal anything and know that you will be okay no matter what? This is the freedom that comes from being hurt so many times and making it through the pain. This is the path of a heart warrior. Some people never go back to the “race”. Some people jump back in after a humbling time out. Some people cautiously tip toe in. We each get to decide what is right for us in welcoming new love.
Remember that when you’re in that relationship, it’s fertile ground for getting hurt each day, maybe even several times a day you and your partner work it out and get to start fresh after each occurrence. Many of my clients come to me after an argument with their partner. We clean up the energy between them, dust them off and put them back in the relationship with a fresh new energy.
My client needing to go to the bathroom tells me that there was something in her energy that needed to be cleared and cleansed. It was apparent that in that dream she needed to release shame. There was a repeat belief stuck in her energy. It was a belief, “I’m not lovable.” When we feel like something’s wrong with us for the things that happen, it can be detrimental to our self-esteem and mood. In this case, she was blaming herself for her partner turning to drugs. She could have done something that brought up old pain for him, as partners often do. She didn’t make him start using. That was his choice in how to deal with his own pain.
We cleared old energy, emotions an inherited curse in relationships that went generations back and a ton of emotions that were under the surface. When we were complete she felt a huge weight lifted and a big reset. I look forward to seeing what shows up for her now that we released all that heaviness.