I was working with a client who is full of light, knowledge and healthy living practices. She has been going through a break up and can’t seem to let go of her ex after he called her saying he would do things differently. Now she has hopes of trying again with him after learning about healthy relationships.
What’s great is that her ex wants to get healthy and try a different way of communicating with her as he was critical of her and often blamed her for his unhappiness. This is a sign that his emotional wounding was triggered and he didn’t know any other way of dealing with it.
What’s troublesome to hear is that, even though people are waking up and have access to more information than ever, she is eons ahead of him in the healthy habits, spiritual practices and self healing practices. When I asked her what he plans to do differently, she says he has no plan. I asked if he has done anything differently so far? She said that he was not really doing anything differently that she knew of. He still complains most of the conversation, eats mostly junk, doesn’t sleep much, gives to the point of having nothing left, and makes sarcastic remarks at her expense, although less frequently than when they lived together. When people change for someone else, it is not as powerful as when they get their life together based on wanting to. When we let go, this frees up space for the person to make changes on their own.
I asked if she was willing to let him go. She burst into tears because she really wants him to be the one and she thinks he has potential to grow. And she has this feeling that he’s just telling her what he wants to hear so he can have her back. This is her worst fear. She has made the all too common mistake of holding out for his potential with no signs of action being taken. There are so many people out there who already take care of themselves and treat their partner with respect. When we’re attached, which can happen by hearing the other person’s voice or just thinking of the person, we are hooked on an energetic and emotional level and can’t see the reality of the situation.
I asked her what letting him go would mean to her and what she is afraid of. She said that would mean that she will always wonder if they could have tried something differently and made it work. That she would be alone and have to start all over with someone else, with the unknown risk that the new person or people could reject her when she tells him about her ailments and diseases she’s been battling. It would mean not having that special someone for the upcoming holidays. That she might never find someone.
I asked her if she could imagine going back with him, trying something new and working it out, and then what if he passed away shortly after by some unforeseen incident? She would then be alone and have to start all over with someone else, with all the unknown risks, she would not have that special someone during the holidays and that she might never find someone. She got my point.
There is something keeping her attached to a man that is showing little to no signs of taking care of himself. It’s a familiar pattern of hers. It has her make excuses for him doing nothing now. He couldn’t be a good partner to her at this point. She was exhausted living with a man who was barely available to her. Even if they do get back together, she will still need to let him take charge of his life and detach. She can’t do it for him. She was willing to learn how to detach after some contemplation. She also decided to be the observer and see if he makes changes for the better in the future, but to let him go and live her life taking care of herself as a single woman.
We cleared some energy blocks and I shared three tips with her on detaching. If you would like to detach from someone you love, practice these until you feel a shift.
- Take a breath and be open and willing to release the person. Ask spirit for help. Notice any resistance and allow it to be there.
- Talk to the person’s higher self, saying anything you need to that you are giving them back to themselves. Say anything you wish they could hear.
- Imagine giving that person to their spirit team for them to hold and guide. Imagine your energy returning to you.
Then go cry, journal, talk to a friend, have a healing session, whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. If you find you are reattaching, be gentle with yourself and complete the three steps again and again until it becomes a regular feeling you have of being in your own energy. This also works when you are in a relationship and need to detach if you have the tendency to obsess about what the other person is doing or not doing that you want them to do. You never know what results will surprise you when you do this. I’m here if you need extra support.