When you head over heels for someone it can be really hard to maintain your center. All you want to do is spend time with this person. The divine feeling of being swallowed by someone has you feeling bathed in love. At some point this compulsion to spend all of your waking moments with your lover has to shift in order for our nervous systems to return to balance, accomplish the tasks of our daily life and pay bills. Quite often a woman in love needs much more connection than a man, especially when she has been sexually active with him. The hormones that flood our system have us needing to connect based on the amount of estrogen we have in our bodies. Estrogen exacerbates this feeling of being bonded and testosterone kills this feeling of being bonded, therefore the more testosterone one has in their body the less connection the person will need. This needing to be connected state can last for three weeks for a woman and for only a measly two days for a man maximum, depending on hormone levels. Have you ever thought your man is a different person than you though he was?
Men usually have more testosterone than women. Therefore a woman may need much more connection than her man. It is extremely important to start to get back into your routine of self care and giving the love that you’ve been receiving from someone else, to yourself. Otherwise being out of balance and being emotionally connected can create problems where there need not be.
A good example of this is you move in together. In my situation I’ve moved across the country to be with the love of my life. My self care routine had been thrown off for months due to being swept off my feet in every possible way. We bought a home together and have just moved into that home, which is another way to get thrown off balance. What ensued were moments of what I call, “crazy thoughts.” I would burst into tears at any given moment. I thought I was losing my mind and actually said to my love, “I wish I didn’t love you as much as I do. It’s making me crazy.” It was my rascally hormones at play. I am beginning to have a huge respect for the vulnerability that women have when in this state when physically and emotionally intertwined with another person. Upon my arrival into Michigan, things already started to shift. Although these shifts did need to happen, when someone does something that is not what were used to, such as going to work all day instead of spending all their waking hours with us, or not texting or calling us as much as they were during the initial phase of the romance, or spending time and attention with friends and family, our hormones can play quite a number on our minds. This is where we must take charge of our crazy thoughts and look closer at what is needing to be healed.
When a man is physically out of our space, and we are emotionally and hormonally connected, addiction withdrawl and fear can creep in that we are about to lose everything that has been feeding us during the whirlwind romance that happens when two people come together. In the book and movie, The Female Brain, it explains the differences in the area in the brain between men and women and why this is so. This perceived separation can be physically and emotionally painful. Even though this man moved me across the country and bought a house with me to spend the rest of our lives, I was starting to have these crazy thoughts that he would die after I invested my whole life in us, or he could become bored of me, that he would find someone else better than me, that I was too needy and high maintenance. Clients have told me that they’ve even had beliefs that the hunt is over and now he’ll take her for granted.
Once I realized what was happening, I reached out to my support system to release the emotions that the crazy thoughts were causing.
My friend suggested I ask my love to write something down for me that I can refer too when these crazy thoughts arise, as being a woman in love can be quite frustrating when they arise. He was very sweet asking me to believe in our story and our love for each other and saying he’s not gonna f#*% this up. He also asked me to write one for him, which was quite the surprise. After we were complete we read them to each other and sent them to one another. We each have both lists to remember what we committed to and what our partner committed to. I have it saved in my phone under the title Taming the Crazies. I had to look at it just last night with all these planets in retrograde and the super New Moon tomorrow, which can be quite emotional for all of us.
Another thing that is helpful is to say the thoughts out loud to a trusted friend who won’t dwell on them. We laughed about the irrational thoughts that came up. Just a couple that we were laughing at that seem to be Universal are: “I’m fat” and, “I’m ugly, “ and later I found that underneath those thoughts were emotions that needed to be released from past lives. Two of them were from when I was with this man in a past life and he cheated on me. These thoughts I was having that he would find someone else we’re actually trying to tell me that I needed to heal from that lifetime wound. I was able to release a trapped emotion of jealousy. I was able to clear karma with the woman.
I’ve also been reading a book called change me prayers by Tosha Silver. In this book she encourages us to make our own prayers to the divine asking to be changed from the inside out. I asked “Divine, please change me into one who has faith in her partner’s devotion to her and who knows how to receive all the good and enjoy her life.” I was able to receive a process of owning the awesome person that I am and I was able to remember and start believing in our love for each other once again. I’ve begun my self care routines including Reiki, meditation, music, movies, nutrition and nature walks.
Lastly, I’m realizing that we can’t fully enjoy our lives when we’re holding on to old heavy baggage and judge ourselves when it shows up. One of my dear friends said to me, “I just think it’s interesting that this stuff is coming up so fast and furious for you now that your dreams are coming true.”