A client was telling me that she thinks her husband stopped loving her. She said he provides everything for her, tells her he loves her, hugs her and kisses her goodbye in the morning and evening and sometimes during the day. He spends time with her and calls her beautiful and asks her how her day was. She said he doesn’t seem to need the affection she needs from him. She feels like she’s the only one reaching out, moving closer on the couch and initiating conversation. In the same breath she said he pats her on the bottom and does initiate hugs. He also asks her how her day was and how she is. Although she feels his genuine love and care for her, she said she feels like she’s never getting enough of his love and it makes her sad.

Something wasn’t adding up here. When she’s voiced her upset to her husband, he wondered if anything will be enough for her. He said it’s almost like having another child to take care of. Then she feels all alone and misunderstood by him and even more hurt. She wonders why she just can’t be content with what he does do and wonders what is wrong with her?

Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt this way on either end of a relationship! Welcome to the world of healing from dysfunctional relationship patterns. I sure have been on both ends and it is pure torture.  I recently learned about these two types of attachment styles. One is called anxiety attachment trauma where a child was with one or more parents who weren’t emotionally available. There’s a fear of abandonment at root of the attachment trauma. The other is called avoidant attachment where one or more parents were smothering making the child or person want to flee who is now in adult relationship with a person with anxiety attachment trauma. The healthy style is to be secure in relationships. I believe anyone with these attachment styles can work toward being secure in relationships with commitment to healing old hurts, patterns and creating new behaviors.

I asked for a dream for clarity on what we needed to know about this problem. What I saw was a woman chasing after a handsome man but he was unavailable to her. He was off living his life doing things he wanted to do. At one point he was using his phone to take a video of everyone in the room and panning out and around. The woman was writhing on the floor trying to look appealing so he would stay focused on her only. Her outdated ways of trying to get his attention weren’t working and frustrating her to no end.

The next thing I saw was this same woman alone on her birthday and her mom was the only one spending the day with her. Then I saw the woman in a gift shop looking for gifts with dragonflies.

The sense I had from observing this woman was that she has an insatiable need for love and attention. She’s chosen this man to be the object of her validation. But the question was why?

I pulled a Tarot card. It was the Sun card reversed which meant that a dimmer switch was turning off her sunlight. We each have a shining light inside of us. Sometimes we can dim our own light if there is a wound that needs attention. They pop and cause us suffering in order to get our attention.

When I checked in with my client’s energy, I found that her two-year old self was running the show from a wound. I asked her if she could remember anything from being age two. She said a picture of her flashed in her mind of her at that age where she had only peach fuzz hair on her head. She heard her mom’s words, “She looks like a boy.” She began to cry. All she ever wanted was to be loved and accepted by her mom and what she heard throughout her childhood was criticism. This could have had nothing to do with her and everything to do with the mom thinking her daughter was a reflection of herself. This was a wound from the upset of her mother that she took on and internalized that she wasn’t loveable. We also went further back to find out that in the womb her mother was traumatized by her abusive alcoholic husband. This will give any baby an anxiety attachment trauma.

Can you imagine going through life with this wounded two-year old leading? Imagine being in a romantic relationship with this going on inside. Thank goodness for energy clearing. Every time this uncomfortable longing came up she tried with all her might to get the attention from her husband to sooth her. She never really felt at ease and always longed for more attention.

The healing: She had a taken a vow of invisibility from a past life and needed for that to be cleared. We also released emotions of love that was never received. I sent her Reiki for feeling loved, wanted, connected, held, feeling beautiful and adored.

We released the self conscious feelings from her mother to the light and helped her two- year old integrate to the adult she is now.

With that part of the dream searching for dragonfly gifts, it seems like my client was lacking a deeper connection with the magic of life. No human can provide us with this connection we seek. Dragonflies represent the magical world of faeries and nature. I gave my client an assignment from the clearing session to find magic in her day every day apart from her husband and people. She needed to connect to her own inner divinity that exists no matter what anyone around is doing. She decided she would put on some dance music and had a jolly old time grooving to her favorite songs. Not once did she feel that empty longing.